“…and moving to the space beyond”.
When someone says to me “I need to move on” or “I want to move on” – I wonder, “Move on from what?” “What does move look like?” “How will you know when you’ve moved?” (What might you notice when you’re there?)
“Move on” is a huge statement. I’ve noticed it sometimes comes with a sense of failure, for whoever is saying it, when we discover that they think that they should have moved on (‘cos other people have said so) and it’s pretty hard to ‘move on’ if you haven’t pinpointed what that means for you.
Let’s take the example of a death in family. What is there to move on from? The fact that the person is not available to you in everyday life? The regret of things not spoken or attended to? The memories of pleasant interactions (or not so pleasant interactions)? The emotions brought on by grief and a sense of loss? The tendency to dwell on an emotion not so helpful for you because it’s getting in the way of you participating in an activity that gives you a sense of enjoyment? The pressure of not acting or behaving in a way that someone has said in relation to what you should be doing at this particular time? The circumstances surrounding the death? The fact that ‘potential’ has been denied in terms of growth, relationships, knowledge? Or a sense of relief (or guilt) that the person has passed?
So I can never just hear this statement without being a bit curious about what it means for someone because it’s pretty difficult to move on from something undefined. There’s also a lot of responses that I might make to someone when they’ve made this statement – my response is dependent on what has been said before. I might be interested in the person’s experience of ‘moving on’. Is it something they’ve done before and were they pleased with the results, or not? And why (or why not)?
I also might be interested in whether the person actually needs to move on from whatever it is that they’ve identified as being the problem once they’ve had the time and space to put the ‘move on’ concept into a broader context. Is this thing actually the problem anymore or is it something else?
Whatever my responses are there is thought and intentionality behind them based on training and research. All this writing above can be linked to literature explaining the theory behind the practice.
‘Capturing the essence’ is also about finding the ‘something else’. We call this ‘unpacking the problem’ in narrative therapy. When I’m curious about the ‘something else’ I always check in to find out if this is the track you want to go down or is something else standing out for you in relation to what you’re curious about right now.
If you’re curious about this example of work and if it would be helpful to you or anyone else you come into contact with, get in touch and we can discuss your curiosity a bit more.
Amanda Down